Those of you who deciphered CCV's 'mysterious' post are probably wondering why nothing happened yesterday. Well, the truth of the matter is that I have been in the police department thanks to the events that transpired. What events? Listen up guys.
So there I am, midday Sunday, just woke up, no breakfast, and watching Fruits Basket on my computer (Watching a second time to see how it has aged), when all of a sudden I hear a THUMP from the living room. Now, earlier I found a note from my Dad saying he had taken Mom, Heather, and our dogs to a mountain trip. I generally dislike them, so they didn't wake me. That left me alone in my house as I heard threatening noises from the front of the house, on the day following receiving threats from an unnamed stalker. Oh, and I'm already Slenderstalked, so add that to the paranoid stew. I've always been a cautious guy, but add the previously described description and I decided there was no way I was going to check the sound without a weapon. A quick scan around the room showed me my two options: replica katana of Masamune from Highlander, or an aluminum golf driver. I went with the driver.
After I slowly crept down the hallway, I peeked around the corner, and there he was. Average looking guy, five foot six or seven, sweatshirt and pants. Yeah, pretty normal aside from the mask he wore around his face. I also noticed he had a knife in his hand. Bad news. Luckily he hadn't noticed me looking (he was looking to see if anyone noticed him), so I moved away from his line of sight. I heard him hit the door, again and again, until it shattered. He stepped into the living room, coming towards the hallway at an even pace. Just as he came around the bend for the hallway, I konked hit in the face with my driver. Hard. Now, despite what movies tell you, a blow to the head does not equal lights out. Instead he just stumbled backwards and ran into a chair, falling flat on his ass. While he was still dazed I ran up on checked his balls with my metal. That put him out. Then I did what I'm surprised most of you don't: I called the cops. I told them a strange man broke into my house with a knife, damaged my family's property, and I knocked him the fuck out. They sent a nearby patrol car over, read him his rights and locked him up. From what I hear he still isn't talking to the cops, just says cryptic stuff about Him. Lame. My friends were hit in similar circumstances, but I won't ruin there stories by attempting to convey them by proxy (PUNS). Instead I'll have them post soon with what they saw and how they responded.